For my Son

Tomorrow, you will start a new chapter in your life, and so many thoughts and memories flood my mind.  Memories from when you were an infant, to your first day of school (and every day in between and how you busted your butt to graduate high school in time.  Memories of picking you up at the airport when you flew to Germany to meet me.  Memories of family vacations....Disney World, Disney Land, Paris, Berlin, Asheville, camping, fishing, etc.  Memories of you riding your bike for the first time, your dad trying to teach you how to swim, and you holding your baby brothers (you only prayed for one but got 3!).

And I can honestly say that I am not ready for this change.  I am not ready to let you go out into this big giant world alone.  I am not ready to move across the country and to leave you here in Texas to tackle this giant world by yourself.  Most of all, I am not ready to let you go.

I know that you feel that you are ready, but you will always be my little baby.  You will always be the one that needed your mom in your infancy.  You will always want to hold my hand.  You will always want my help with homework.   You will always love my cooking more.  You will always want my help.

Like so many mothers before me, I am not ready for you to take this step into adulthood, and like so many mothers after me, they won't be either.  But like every mother, I am super proud of you, and the man you have become.  As I watch you make grown-up decisions like choosing an apartment, choosing a college, and voting in your first Presidential election, all I can think about is how proud I am of you.

Just like I promised you to always try my best to be a good mom, I want to make these promises to you now:

1) You can always come home.  If things get tough, do not ever think that you can never come home. There is no shame in starting over.  My door is always open to you.

2) I will alway pray for you.  I will pray for your safety, your education, and that you will make wise decisions.

3) I will never stop loving you.

4) I will always be here to help you if you need it.

So tomorrow, while you take this journey alone, without me holding your hand, please remember that I love you, and you will always be my baby, my first born.  You will always hold a special place in my heart.   I love you, and may God always keep you.

Getting Back to ME.

The last couple of weeks, well, months, maybe a year, I've changed.....and it's not been good.  I let a lot of self doubt, negative talk, jealousy take over my life.  I have been so consumed with all of these things that they have been eating at my internal happiness.  All of these things have gotten to me so bad that it's sort of depressing.  I'm bitter.  And I have to sit and think...how did I get this way?  What led me to labeling myself with negative thoughts?

Maybe it was years of military leaders (not all, but the ones that made the most direct impact on my career) telling me that I wasn't good enough, smart enough, or try hard enough.

Maybe it was the weight that I gained in the last 4 years and not feeling physically attractive that I can't believe that he would still want to be with me.

Maybe it's the guilty feeling that the deployments have taken me out of my children's life, and I really didn't make a life long positive impression on my kids.

Even with my accomplishments and awards that I received in the military, and my 2 year college degree, maybe none of those papers mean anything to anyone else.

Maybe it's because I feel that I've failed because my military career didn't go the way that I had hoped.

What happened to the girl that I was even 5 years ago?

I used to be strong.  I used to never let what negative things that people say about me get in the way that I feel about myself.  Despite my injuries, I used to think that I was fit.  I used to think that I was successful.


But the truth is.....I'm none of those things that I think about myself.   The military leaders that actually made an positive impact on my life, I'm still friends with today.  They encouraged me in my younger military days, and they still encourage me today.  I am heavier than when I first met my husband.  But, my husband still looks at me with love and attraction.  My kids love me.  They understand that why I had to leave and that it wasn't because I didn't want to.  My accolades from being in the Military do mean something.  They stand for all of the long hours and hard work that I put in.  And that 2 yr degree that I have....it's way more than a lot of people that I know have.  So what if not everyone recognizes that!  And my military career is what it is.  I re-enlisted because I wanted to.  It didn't go exactly the way that I wanted it to, and despite not being able to retire in about 5 more years, I seriously doubt I would make it with my injuries.

I am one lucky girl.  When I erase all the self doubt, negative talk about myself, I can see that I am truly blessed.  God has given me this life to live the best that I can.  I'm not perfect, but I am loved.  I am successful.....less than some, but definitely  more than others.  And, I am still strong....I just need to show that strength.  That girl that was inside me 5 years ago....she's still there.  I need to let her come back out and live.....because the girl that I've become....she's not living.  She's bitter.  And to be honest, I don't really like that girl much.

That's all folks.  Stay true and God Bless!

Put Down your Cell Phones America.....and Live Your Life!

*In this blog, cell phones and smartphones are interchangeable.  Additionally, I will be using abbreviates such as FB (Facebook), IG (Instagram) and SC (Snapchat).  This article is both my opinion (yes, I truly do believe that Americans have a problem), and factual.   I will provide links to references at the end of the blog.*

On playgrounds all across America, moms are taking their kids to the playgrounds and allowing them to play while feverishly scrolling through FB.  Boyfriends are on dates while checking sports scores.  A sibling is throwing her sister a baby shower, but is recording the event on SC and posting it to all of her friends (most of her friends are at the party).  A Youtuber is making a video of a mom falling down the up escalator because she's head first into her FB, and a teen across town just caused a wreck because she sent a text to her mom and didn't see the stop sign.  A wife rolls over and checks her tweets because she woke up before her husband.

This is a problem.  People don't know how to socialize with each other without the use of Social Media.  They don't get to see their daughter do a cartwheel for the very first time.  They miss that the waiter just passed their girlfriend his number because he's too into the sports scores and didn't notice that she just really want to talk to him.  The sister doesn't see her sister's reaction when she opens her gift because she is frantically searching for her charger because her phone is about to die.  The Youtuber just got pickpocketed because his is focused on the mom on the escalator, and the mom suffered a broken nose from the fall.  The young teen driver severely injures a runner who is running with their dog because she ran a stop sign.  The wife doesn't notice that her husband woke up just in time to see his wife checking FB, and rolls over and pretends to sleep because his wife is more interested in FB stats than wishing him a good morning.

Do you think that this is farfetched?  Check out the following statistics:

81% of smartphone users check their phones for messages, or social media while dining.

26% of young adults check their phone within 5 minutes of waking up (under the age of 25) and some admit to doing it immediately after they wake up.

Social Media users are higher for adults age 25-54 than for the 24 and younger age group.

25% of vehicle accidents are caused by the driver using their smartphone.

Those are just a few of the statistics of how much cellphone use has grown exponentially within the last few years and the social issues they cause.  People are more interested in what 324 strangers and 121 actual friends and family members think about their vacations, their Christmas tree, the political stance, than what they think of the opinions and lives of the people that share the very same living space.

Not only have we forgotten how to socialize, we've also have forgotten how to spell, how to use homophones, how to just call and see how someone is doing.  We are more concerned with IG likes on a pic, or IG followers, than what our kids are doing on the playground.

We are constantly head first in our phone while trying to hold a conversation with our significant other at the same time.  We play Candy Crush, Trivia Crack (notice the drug reference in the name, and yes, it can be that addicting) while we are watching TV or at our kid's recital.  When our mind gets bored, the first thing that we reach for is our phones to check IG of FB.  Did you know that Americans spend an average of 4.7 hours on social media a day?  4.7 hours!  Do you know what you can accomplish in that time?  You can take a hike, a road trip, bake a cake, or a loaf of bread.  You can work out, run a 5K, visit your mom, call your friend, and do three loads of laundry (wash, dry, and put away.)  You can play a board game with your family AND watch a Disney movie afterwards (unless of course you are playing monopoly).  You can learn a new line dance, or several depending on how quickly you pick them up.  The point is.......that is 4.7 hours that you are taking away from YOUR life.  That is 4.7 hours that you could be spending quality time with your children, wife, mom, etc.



Not only are we consuming our time with our smartphones and 324 of our closest and dearest friends, our cellphone usage is so bad, that it is bad for our health and our ability to socialize with living, breathing people within the same room.  Take a look at the few things that our obsession is doing to us:

1) It's bad for your sex life: 40% of smartphone users have delayed sex due to using their phone.  This will turn off your partner and give the implication that your tweets are more important than him/her.

2) You could develop (what I call) hunch neck:  The actual term is tech neck, and basically it is speeding up the process of degenerative disc disease or the formation of arthritis from your neck being bent at more than a 30 degree angle in order to look at your phone.

3) You can jeopardize friendships: People do not like it when they feel that they have to compete, either with you while you play Candy Crush, or they feel like you are always one-upping them because your life always has to seem better than theirs, or anyone else's for that matter.  If you are sitting there with a group of friends and you are playing Candy Crush or checking FB while your friends are visiting, then what is it that you are telling your friends.....that your latest FB status is more important than them.  Additionally, don't use the excuse that: "Well, they have their phones out, so I'm gonna pull mine out."  That is simply not right for any person involved.  Why waste time and money to get together if all that you are going to do is check FB anyway?  Besides, it's a distraction to me when I'm trying to talk to a friend, and they are more interested in what Donald Trump just tweeted about Clinton.

4) You'll bump into things: Have you watched YouTube videos where someone falls into a fountain while texting on their phone?  Enough said.

5) You'll damage your eyes:  True Story.  I had very good eyesight.  Then, I got a job where I was working on a computer all day.  My eyes got used to focusing on 12" in front of me and now I have to wear glasses to drive my car.  I just went to the eye doctor the other day and my eyesight will get worse because I'm constantly in front of a computer (I'm an IT tech, so I have to be.)  The need for glasses caused from shortsightedness has gone up 35% since 1997.  That's when technology started becoming more easily to afford and available to everyone, not just the rich, or business owners.

6) Increased thumb injuries:  Well, I laughed at this when I first read it, but it is true....people are getting carpel tunnel in their thumbs, and their joints in their thumbs are getting fatigued quicker.  Physical therapist have exercises just for the muscles in your thumb.  (Maybe I should change my job to thumb physical therapist.)

7) You won't get enough sleep:  Many friends of mine complain of insomnia.....but the truth is...their insomnia is actually due to them spending time on their smart phones. (I know this because when I was overseas, they were having conversations with me complaining about not being able to sleep, or posting one FB when they are in bed. Again, another reason to leave the technology outside the bedroom.  The bedroom should be your sanctuary.  It should be a place to unwind and relax before you go to bed.  The blue light from the phone (tablet, computer) simulates the light received from the sun, therefore tricking your mind that even though you are in a dark room, it must still be daylight because of the blue light coming from your phone.  It takes longer for your brain to shut down and the melatonin (the natural hormone that signals your body to go to sleep) to kick-in.

8) It can make you stupid:  C'mon we've all seen the posts that say: They're (they are), there (a place) and their (ownership).  When I was younger, I could recall facts easier because I forced myself to remember them.  Now, all I have to do is ask Siri, and she'll tell me just about anything that I want to know.  If you don't use your brain to recall facts and are constantly relying on Google, than your brain isn't getting the 'exercise' that it needs.

9) Nomophobia:  (yes, a real word) Is the fear of not having your cell phone, not having a signal, or your battery dying.  You start to panic when your battery is down to 20%.  You get nervous when you are in an area with poor cell phone coverage.  You are frantically looking for a cell phone tower so that you can get service again.

and

10) You'll become lazy.  Those 4.7 hours that you are gazing at your phone, you could be up and active.  Yes, you could download Tony Horton's P90X app and use it to exercise, but that still has you plugged in for 3.7 hours doing what exactly?  You could check your bank balance, get driving directions, etc, but that doesn't add up to all 4.7 hours.  The majority of that time is spent on social media.

The whole point is.....besides the health issues, and unhealthy relationships you are forming, you could be out there living your life.  You don't have to miss your daughter's first cartwheel.  You don't have to turn off your husband when you are busy checking Twitter.  You can live a happy, healthy, normal life, and at the end of the day you can look back on your day an know that it wasn't wasted on IG, FB, or SC.

Take a look at some tips that I've put into practice to help ween me from my smart phone addiction:

1) When I come home from work, my focus isn't Candy Crush, FB, or IG, it's my family.  I cook dinner, maybe do some chores, hang out with my husband, etc.  My phone is with my keys, wallet, and glasses, and unless someone calls me, or I need to charge it, it rarely gets touched until the next day.  Sometimes, I won't even charge it until I get in my car to go to work.

2) Set a time limit for social media.  If your time limit is an hour, then stick to that hour.  You don't need to check your social media accounts 17 times a day (average for Americans).  Do it once and get it over with.  Your 324 friends are mainly posting false news stories anyway.  Do you really NEED to see them?  How many times have you seen that cat video where the cat is afraid of the cucumber?  Allowing yourself a time limit for social media opens up the opportunity for other things.  And....those silly political posts are still going to be there tomorrow anyway.

3) Upload pics from an event all at one time, (preferably AFTER the event is over) not as the event is going on.  This is a time saver and allows you to upload all pics at once.  And, after your ten closest friends and family have gone home, they can all look at the pics that you tagged them after you have gone your separate ways.  Additionally, this will not make it seem that you are always on your phone when you are with your friends and family.

4) Save Candy Crush and other gaming apps for the bathroom, or when you are waiting to be seen by the doctor, or leave your phone locked in your car, (unseen of course) or with your spouse and take a Kindle or book in with you instead.  We all know how reading benefits you, right?

5) If you are expecting a very important phone call that CAN'T be missed, put the phone in the same room as you.....but NEVER at arms reach. (Otherwise, throw it on the charger.)  This not only makes you get up to answer the phone, but it keeps temptation down from reaching for the phone to do a 'quick check' on IG likes during a commercial break, or when you are extremely bored from watching the chick flick or baseball game.

And finally:

6) Turn off ALL notifications.  Again, when you don't hear the DING, you won't want to get up and check.  Because, in the end, those notifications really don't matter.....but your actual friends and family do.  Your daughter on the playground matters.  Your husband matters.  Your girlfriend that sits with you at dinner and wants to spend the rest of the her life with you, matters.  IG and FB.....those people that you barely know, or knew a long time ago.....they don't matter.   Your actual life....with your actual friends and family.....THAT matters.

Sure, it's great to catch up and see how their lives turned out, to post vacation pics, to share good news......but you don't need to do that 4.7 hours a day.  Smart phones can be great assets to your life, but they don't have to take up 29% of your time that you spend awake (assuming that you actually get 8 hours of sleep).

Good luck to you and God Bless.  Go out there and get YOUR life back.

References:

http://www.pewinternet.org/2015/04/01/us-smartphone-use-in-2015/

http://www.pewresearch.org/fact-tank/2015/04/01/6-facts-about-americans-and-their-smartphones/

http://www.msn.com/en-gb/health/mindandbody/10-reasons-your-smartphone-is-bad-for-your-health/ar-AAaWd47#page=1

http://time.com/4147614/smartphone-usage-us-2015/

http://www.socialmediatoday.com/social-networks/carianneking/2015-06-26/social-media-addiction-statistics-infographic

http://www.digitaltrends.com/mobile/informate-report-social-media-smartphone-use/

http://www.informationweek.com/mobile/mobile-devices/smartphones-tied-to-25--of-us-car-crashes/d/d-id/1098800?

Let Them Say Thank You!

Every year on social media, the memes come out that say something to the idea of: Here we go again, people confusing Memorial Day and Veteran's Day.

Those stupid little memes actually bug me more than people sending me a message on FB or on my phone thanking me for my service, and here's why:

1) I deployed twice to a combat zone.  I very well could be mourned on Memorial Day and not here to say I appreciate the thought, or thank you for your support.

2) I feel that if they are thanking me for my service on Memorial Day, or any day for that matter, they realize the sacrifice that I could have made and did make.

3) I know that at any time that I could be called to go into combat again, and I am quite willing to go, and to know that I may not come home the next time.

4) When private civilians tell you thank you, it's not that they are ignorant and can't tell the difference between the two Holidays, they are aware of the sacrifice that service members make, and are willing to make.

When someone is telling you "Thank you for your service." turn to them and simply reply "Thank you for your support."  Be humble.  Don't be an arrogant fool and reply, "Well, this Holiday isn't for me, it's for my fallen brothers and sisters."  They already know that.  You, as an active duty service member, Veteran, or Reservist signed up to defend this country that we love.  And you, very well, could at any time make THAT sacrifice.

And before I go, I just want to say this: Remember those who gave the ultimate sacrifice.  Say a toast, prayer, or have a drink for them.  Remember them in your own way.

And remember that if someone tells you "Thank you for your service." just remain humble, and 'forward' that "Thank you" to your friends that never came back home.

No Support for Vets....Wait.....What?

Yes, you read the title right.....there is surprisingly little support for Veterans of North Carolina.

A lot of you reading this probably think that Veterans aren't special, that they don't deserve special treatment, and you know what....I'm not going to stop you from thinking that way.  Some may think that Veterans are ungrateful, and want something for nothing, and again, I'm not going to stop you from thinking that way.

But, what I am going to do is say this:  Did you join any branch of the military?  Have you ever left your family behind to fight a war that most American's didn't understand, and possibly never come home again?  Have you ever have a job that took a toll on you not only mentally, but physically as well so that when you were done with your 4, 8, 12, or 20 years, you physically can not run, or lift your children, or have to get someone to move heavy objects for you while you stand by and watch?

I know, I know, you naysayers are thinking that I didn't have to choose this life.....but do you know what?  I did.  And so did less than 1% of all Americans.....we chose this life (especially after the draft was discontinued in the 70's) to serve our country.  That is a very small percentage of the American population to serve this country.  And many of you may think that we don't deserve what little bit of recognition, or thanks, or whatever that we may get from time to time.  You naysayers that sit behind your computer screens call out Veterans for asking for what: a small discount on a meal, compensation for injuries that will never go away, a tax break because the money that we could make if we were 100% healthy, we will never make because the military broke us.

You naysayers believe that all that we do is sit at home and collect a disability check and ask for handouts...and so what if we do!  Don't we deserve it....of all people?

I didn't joined the military so that I can ask for handouts when I leave the military.  I didn't join because I think I'm more special and want something for nothing.  I didn't join so that I can go through red tape to get what little compensation for the injuries that I sustained.  (No Veteran should have to go through the ringer to get what little benefits that the country offers us, but we do.)  And I definitely didn't join so that I can leave after 12 years with a long list of injuries that may never heal.

I joined because it is a job.  I joined because it gave me the opportunity to travel the world.  I joined for the education benefits because I came from a poor family and wanted to go to college.  But most of all,  I joined because I wanted to serve.....and to serve selflessly.  I wanted to be a bigger part of something great.  I joined during a war....not with the expectation of never going to war, but because it was something that I wanted to do, and it was something that I prayed about doing before jumping in with both feet.

Will I have to go through mountains of paperwork and red tape to get the benefits that I earned?  Yes, and I will happily do it!  Many of my friends do it daily, and will do it for the rest of our lives.  And we don't do it for the pats on the back, or the "Thank you's."  We do it because we served selflessly.  We got out from behind our computers, left our families behind to do whatever we had to do in not only one, or both conflicts (since 2004), and we did what most of you wouldn't do.  If you asked any of us if we would do it again, most of us (probably about 90%) would do it all again.

So, yes North Carolina, I think I do deserve a much better benefit than a lifetime hunting and fishing license.  But so do my friends who served with me. We don't want much.  We aren't asking for much. But you, North Carolina can do better.

Until later,  thank a Vet and God Bless.

About the Blogger

Hi!  I'm Melissa.  I'm the blogger.  I'm also a wife, mother, college student and Soldier.  (Well, soon to be Vet, but right now, I still wear the uniform and serve proudly.)

I enjoy writing.  It's a hobby of mine.  Other hobbies include baking, making my house a home for my boys, and well, just telling it like it is.

So, to help you make up your mind about whether you want to read my blog or not, let me tell you where I stand on a few hot topics:

1)  I am pro 2nd Amendment!  I believe that the right to bear arms means just that, the right to bear arms.  I should be able to go into a store and purchase any type of gun that I can afford.  The 2nd Amendment doesn't say the right to carry pistols, and rifles only when you are hunting.  If I want to collect all sorts of weapons, then I will.

2)  I am Pro-Life!  Abortion is not birth control.  Here's an idea:  Just don't have sex.  Or if you must, then get on some sort of birth control.  If you can't remember to take a pill every day, then get a shot every three months, or try one of the other popular options.  Abortion should not be your form of birth control! Take responsibility for your own actions.

3) I hate politics.  I do not like anything about politics.  The system is corrupt.  I do believe in making my vote count though, and I do believe in voting for the person that is going to fight to keep what I believe in.  And if you think I'm gonna throw a vote Clinton's way, you are wrong!  That lying bag of bones will never get my vote.  I don't need to say anything more about that.

4) I am a God-fearing Christian.  I believe in the Bible, that Jesus walked the earth and performed miracles.  I believe that he was sent here to save us.

There are 4 reasons for your to either read, or not read my blog.  Just keep in mind, I'm keeping it real.  Feel free to comment, share, or debate any issues.

Until later.....God Bless and have a great day!